


How To Save A Life

by EmmyRy



Series: The How To Series [1]
Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Male-Female Friendship, Multi, Romance, Some Humor, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 15:24:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7367143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmyRy/pseuds/EmmyRy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grace-Ann Delaney is the only daughter of SAMCRO Original Otto Delaney and wife of Luann. She grew up in the club, loves the club, but when given the chance she ran like hell from 'the family' and Charming. It takes the death of Donna Winston to draw her back, and a certain Son by the name of Herman Kozik to convince her to stay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Always End Up Going Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hello-Hi and welcome to the first part in my How To Series. I want to say thank you for clicking on this, seriously, it means a lot. Now onto business.
> 
> This story is going to run parallel with the established SOA television show timeline, however, I am human therefore fallible so some mistakes, and even some tweaks will be made in order for my story to work. With that said, I should also note that while this story is about SOA, it's more a background story of my OC Grace-Ann, and Kozik. There will be some things that I do outright do and handle differently just because I wish it would have happened differently in the show.
> 
> I hope that you all enjoy this. If you do let me know, if you don't let me know (nicely) I do welcome constructive criticism.  
> And I think it goes without saying given what fandom this story is about that this will be chalk full of adult themes, language, alcohol references, drug references, sex, but to cover all my bases, this story will contain all those things I just mentioned! Consider yourself warned!
> 
> On with the show!
> 
> -Emmy

Chapter One: You Always End Up Going Home

_"Where we love is home-home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts"-Oliver Wendell Holmes, SR._

 

_**-XX-** _

The sign reads _‘Charming, Our Name Says It All’_ , and as someone who lived her entire life up until four years ago in the confines of this small town nestled in the San Joaquin Valley, I once would have agreed. That is before the phone ringing at two in the morning dragged me from sleep.

_‘Grace-Ann, Donna’s dead…’_ the shaking voice uttering those two catastrophic words in my ear had my stomach somersaulting the whole drive home; more than once during the three hour drive I had to pull over to empty my stomach.

I have spent so much time away, so much time growing and becoming someone so different from the wide eyed eighteen-year-old who not so much moved but ran as fast as she could at the first chance she got, that I’m not sure I can cross the city limit line.

Someone once told me that you always end up going home. It may have been my Dad, or perhaps it was a song I heard somewhere, I can never remember. I just remember promising myself I’d never come back. Not because I don’t love Charming, or my family, but because I know this place is going to end up killing everyone I have ever loved, and it looks like it’s already started.

**_-XX-_ **

I sit on the hood of my SUV, legs crossed as tears roll steadily down my cheeks and I know I won’t be alone for long. I was expected back thirty minutes ago, and as if on cue I hear the steady roar of a bike drawing close. I can’t bring myself to move, so I keep on staring and crying, trying to draw on some sort of strength, but I’ve yet to find any to speak of.

“Luann’s going crazy looking for you,” Jax’s familiar voice breaks up the silence as he settles next to me, a hand landing on my knee and giving a soft squeeze.

“Luann has my number, she could have called,” I say shaking my head, “you know, other than just to tell me someone has died.”

“Come on Gracie, you know your Mom is trying the best that she can,” he offers holding his cigarette out to me and taking it I can’t help but be hit by the memory that it was Jax Teller who snuck me my first cigarette when I was just shy of fifteen and curious. It was also Jax who held my hair when I smoked myself green and puked for half a night, in fact he was a lot of firsts for me, all mostly innocent despite what most of Charming would like to believe. The truth is I harbored a crush on Jax for all of two seconds, before realizing that he was, and always will be, the big brother I always wanted.

“Jax, I’m a grown up now,” I say letting out a stream of smoke before turning my face to him, “Luann is about as capable of being my Mom as I am of taking up the family business and selling my pussy.”

“Jesus Grace-Ann, really?” he sounds so put off by the idea and blushes so sweetly I can’t help but laugh, just a little.

“Am I wrong?” I demand and when he makes no comment to the contrary I know that I’m right.

**_-XX-_ **

My chest tightens as I pull into TM, and the stab of annoyance upon seeing the flashy red sports car with the license plate that reads XXX Diva is unavoidable. Things with Luann and I have been on rocky ground for four years and all signs point to them just getting worse.

My hands tighten on the steering wheel as I seriously contemplate just turning back around and leaving, but the rumble of Jax’s bike tells me turning back isn’t an option so with a final deep breath I open the door. I make it two steps before my name is sailing on the air.

“Gracie, is that you, hey guys, Gracie’s home!” the excited voice echoes loudly through the yard and lifting my face I see one of my favorite faces.

“Uncle Chibs,” I murmur and then my feet are carrying me quickly until I’m in his arms.

“Hey sweet girl, it’s okay,” his voice is soft as he lifts me from my feet. I bury my face in his neck holding on as tightly as I can until he settles me back on my feet. He cups my face in his hands brushing at my tears and taking a careful breath I shake my head.

“I’m such a baby, I know…”

“Have you seen your Mom yet?” he asks with an arm around my shoulder as he leads me towards the clubhouse.

“No. I came straight here.”

“She misses you, you know…”

My feet plant firmly just outside of the clubhouse doors and I can’t help the anger that bubbles up.

“What is it with you boys suddenly coming to Luann’s defense?” I demand and when he just shrugs a shoulder at me I know I have to just accept it. Luann Delaney has always drawn respect from the club, mostly because of who she happens to be married to, my father, Big Otto Delaney.

Big Otto has been faithfully doing time for the club, what was supposed to be a five-year term has stretched so far at this point that I know the only way I will see him outside of Stockton State Prison walls will be when we’re burying him.

“Gracie? Earth to Gracie…” his hand waves in front of my face and offering a small smile I let him lead the way.

**_-XX-_ **

****

The clubhouse is just how I remember it.

Loud.

Chaotic.

Pulsing with life as voices and smoke mingle in the air. I sit in the furthest corner seat at the shining bar nursing a beer as I watch. It never ceases to amaze me the way people come together when they are struck by tragedy. I’ve seen just about everyone, even people from the furthest charters have made their way home to Charming to pay respects to a slain _‘old lady’_ and to offer any and all support to their brother Opie.

Opie. I have yet to see him but from what I’ve gathered he’s not much in the mood for seeing people. Not even his own kids as Mary has stepped in to try and help, as has Piney, and Jax. I sigh draining the last of my beer and turning to set the bottle down I see her.

Her long hair is pulled up and away from her face and she looks less then pleased as she pushes through the crowd towards me.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I find out from some crow eater that you’re here, drinking, can’t even pick up your phone to call me,” Luann’s voice carries over the music and with a roll of my eyes I motion for another beer.

“Well I would have called, but I figured you were a bit busy with your dick suckers…” I say which earns me a slap that snaps my head to the side and makes my ears ring. I shake my hair back off my shoulders, and lift my bottle in a toast, “hi Mom. I missed you too.”


	2. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grace faces more family issues while a long lost Son makes his way home.

 

_"_ _We_ _come from fallible parents who were kids once, who decided to have kids and who had to learn how to be parents. Faults are made and damage is done, whether it's conscious or not. Everyone's got their own 'stuff,' their own issues, and their own anger at Mom and Dad. That is what family is. Family is almost naturally dysfunctional." -Chris Pine_ **_  
_ **

 

  _ **-XX-**_

There are two women in my life that scare me. Gemma Teller-Morrow, who lectured me until my ears started ringing after my little run in with Luann at TM, and the other, well the other would be Mary-Margaret O’Neill, my Nana, whose doorstep I’m currently occupying as I try to sum up the courage to knock on the door.

It isn’t that Nana won’t be happy to see me. She’ll be enthused, and if I know her, which I like to think I do, she’ll have fresh baked cinnamon rolls and peach tea waiting for me. She too will also have a lecture, a much longer one waiting for me. One because I didn’t come home last night, opting to crash in Bobby’s dorm as he isn’t using it, and two because I picked a fight with Luann; and what my Nana lacks in physical presence she more than makes up for in attitude.

Reaching my hand for the door handle it swings open, and there before me is all four feet four inches of my Nana. Her hands come to rest on her hips and she raises a graying eye brow at me.

“I was wondering if you were ever going to come in or if you were going to stand out here all morning,” her voice lilts with an intriguing mixture of annoyance and humor.

“Hi Nana,” I murmuring offering a sheepish smile as I set my duffel bag on the floor and circle her in a hug.

“Don’t you _‘hi Nana’_ me Grace-Ann. If it wasn’t for Gemma I wouldn’t have known that you stayed at the clubhouse last night, since it seems you have suddenly forgotten how to call me. Of course Luann was quick to call me and chew me out for the little spat you two had in front of everyone,” she says as she hugs me. I take comfort from her and after a few beats of silence she wraps an arm around my waist, leading me into the kitchen.

“Oh Nana, cinnamon rolls and peach tea, you’re an angel,” I say pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“Sit, sit. Eat while they’re still warm,” she says pouring two tall glasses. “Now, why don’t you tell me what happened between you and Luann.”

“I’m sure Luann told you,” I say over a bite and when she narrows her eyes at me I know she isn’t going to let it go, I take a deep breath. “I don’t know what you want me to say Nana, Luann and I, we’re just, never going to be okay.”

“Come now Grace-Ann, you don’t mean that. She’s your Mom.”

“I didn’t have a choice in that. Besides, you’ve been more of a Mom to me than she ever has,” I say shaking my head at her before she can go on. “It’s true Nana, and you know it. I graduated four months ago, and it wasn’t her face I found in the crowd, it was yours. You had just had major surgery two months before, and still you managed to come because you knew it was important, and what does Luann do? She sends you with a card that says _‘sorry, I have to work…’_ She hates me Nana.”

“She does not,” she interjects but all I can do is laugh as I walk my dishes to the sink.

“She’s hated me from the moment I made it clear that I wanted something more than CaraCara, something more than Charming, than the club. She resents the fact that I want something more. That’s okay, because I resent her too. I resent that my Dad gets sent to prison and she decides that her precious porn studio is more important than taking care of her daughter. I resent that the girls who work for her have always mattered more. I resent that the first call after nearly a year and a half is two minutes long telling me that Donna’s dead…” my voice breaks as I tighten my hold on the sink. The tears come without much warning.

“I know sweetheart,” Nana’s voice is soft as she speaks from behind me and turning into her arms I finally let the dam break all the way.

 

**-Kozik-**

 

He never minded the long rides. To be completely honest he lived for them. The hours of long highway, the roar, rumble, and wind drowning out any and all noise, leaving his mind free to wander over things. Whenever his mind wandered, good things came of it.

Mostly.

This stretch of highway is familiar, even if he hasn’t taken this particular run in a while. He crosses the Charming border, and for the first time in a long time it feels like coming home.

 

Backing his bike in against the rail he hears a familiar voice calling from across the yard.

“Kozik, man brother it’s good to see you,” Happy approaches clasping him in a tight hug which he enthusiastically returns.

“You too Hap, have to admit I wish it was under different circumstances,” he says pulling the sunglasses from his face leaving them to rest around his neck.

“Yeah. You should go in, say hi to Clay,” Happy tells him and nodding he starts heading that way when the back door of a shiny black SUV hanging open catches his attention, and the sight of a curvaceous back end clad in tight jeans makes him stop short.

His head tilts to the side as he takes in the view and he can’t help the smile that crosses his lips.

“Don’t even think about it brother,” a rolling voice comes from beside him and turning he sees Chibs. The older man claps a hand on his shoulder squeezing lightly. “That’s Otto and Luann’s daughter…”

“Well shit…” he lets out a heavy sigh putting any thoughts of getting a little lucky straight out his head. “Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the view though right?”

 

**_-XX-_ **

The clubhouse is subdued, a stark contrast to the usual rowdy party atmosphere the Sons are known for, and tipping the bottle to his lips it seems fitting all things considered. The music is soft, serving as a comforting background to the hushed conversations that go on around him. A couple of prospects and crow eaters work the bar as only the closest of friends and family of the Sons mill around finding any means of comfort that they can in one another, and he can’t take his eyes off of one in particular.

Her hair is long and dark falling in waves over her shoulders which she shakes away as she leans down to wrap her arms around Opie. She whispers something in his ear that brings a whisper of a smile to his lips for a second before she presses a kiss to his forehead. He doesn’t know what it is about her, or why he’s inclined to notice everything about her, but he’s noticing her all right, and when she steps out of the club he takes his chance.

**_-XX-_ **

The evening is uncharacteristically cool for Charming as he steps out into the night air and the first thing he sees is her. Her back is to him, one hand hanging down with a lit cigarette spiraling smoke.

“Got a light?” he calls out and when she turns she smiles, bright and glowing as she walks towards him pulling a Bic from her pocket.

“I do,” her voice, an intriguing rasp that all but grabs him by the throat has him swallowing hard. “I don’t believe I caught your name.”

“Kozik, Herman Kozik,” he says holding the lighter back out to her she shakes her head at him.

“Why don’t you hold onto that? I might not be around to give you your next light.” She winks as she snubs out her own cigarette before heading back towards the clubhouse. Her footsteps pause as she turns to look back at him over her shoulder, a smile forming on her lips. “It was nice to meet you Kozik, and welcome home.”

 

**_::Gracie::_ **

 

“How was Ope?” Nana’s voice is soft as I curl up next to her on the couch, resting my head on her shoulder.

“He’s…Ope. Quiet. I told him I would be sticking around for a while, that I’ll help with the kids,” I say and when she puts her hand over mine squeezing lightly.

“What about your job offer…”

“It’ll still be there if it’s meant to be, besides, maybe it’s time I start thinking a little more about family.”


	3. Still Hurting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Donna is laid to rest, another blow up bubbles up to the surface for Gracie and Luann, a trip is made to Stockton State Prison, and Gracie learns she has a babysitter. (Oh and slight sexual innuendo in this chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as I was writing this chapter I realized that Otto was going to have to make an appearance, but I honestly have Daddy issues, I know sounds super cliche, but it is the God's honest truth as I have had four Dad's in my lifetime and only one who actually loved me, anyways, that isn't the point, the point is that as it came to writing for Otto, I couldn't. I literally could not do it, so unless I have some crazy breakthrough (which is unlikely) Otto's involvement in this story will most likely just be implied. Apologies to anyone expecting something different.

_"Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley_   
  


**_-XX-_ **

 

My hand shakes so furiously as I try to apply my lipstick that I manage to smudge it for the fourth time forcing me to set it aside and reach for a tissue. I knew that today was going to be hard, one of the hardest that I’ve ever had to face, but I honestly don’t know how I’m going to do this. Donna was like a cool older sister, the type who always lent an ear, not to mention all the time I spent with her and the kids when Opie first went away. Truth be told she was one of a handful of people who seemed genuinely happy when I got accepted into Stanford and one of the very few I stayed in contact with after I left.

_‘I’m your biggest fan,’_ she’d say whenever she read one of my short stories, and she always talked about how she’d be buying one of my books someday. I let out a shaky breath as I brush away a tear.

“Gracie,” my name is just above a whisper and turning my head I see Nana, dressed all in black at my door. “It’s time.”

**_-XX-_ **

The Winston house is much too small for everyone to gather after Donna’s service, so I find myself once again back in the clubhouse which has become too commonplace for my liking as of late, sitting in the far corner of the bar trying to wrap my head around how life has gotten here.

I watched as Ellie and Kenny cried and their father, a man I have always looked at as unshakeable and immensely strong just completely checked out, unable to give them the comfort that they so desperately need.

Nothing in this fucking world could make any of this make sense, because at the end of the day we’re all still left here, still hurting, trying to piece together a world that was shattered in the blink of an eye.

“So when do you head back to Stanford?” Luann’s voice breaks through my thoughts and because my emotions are just too much of a mess I don’t even have it in me to come up with a smart ass remark.

Tapping a cigarette against the bar I debate on lighting it as her words curl around in my head, and taking a deep breath I turn to look at her. She hasn’t changed much. Her blue eyes are still just as shrewd as I remember them being, her hair long and blonde, the same blonde she handed down to me which I’ve happily dyed dark brown so as not to share much physically with her. Once upon a time, I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I guess years of tension and anger rubbed away some of the shine.

“I told Ope I would be staying around for a while, try to help with the kids.”

“When were you planning on telling me this?” her tone is so accusatory that it feels like a slap to the face.

“Jesus Luann, I won’t be in your way, you won’t be in mine, so why does it matter? Don’t worry you won’t have to actually be a Mom,” I demand finding it beyond aggravating that she is choosing now of all times to bring this up.

“You really are a bitch you know that…”

“I guess you could say I got something from my Mom after all,” I say and when she swings for me I manage to move out of the way. The anger bubbles inside of me and something snaps and before I can stop it my brain sends the signal to my hand and her head is snapping to the side. “I do not care that I have the incredible misfortune of having you as my Mother, I swear to God, if you ever lay a hand on me again I will lay your ass out, do you understand me?”

“Gracie!” Gemma’s voice snaps through the air and because I was so hyper focused on what was going on between me and Luann I didn’t notice how all eyes were turned to us, looks of astonishment covering the majority of the faces that stare at us. I take a deep breath and picking up my bag I decide it’s time for some air. Passing by Opie and Mary I offer apologies and with a final glance at Gemma all I can do is shake my head before pressing out into the night.

**_-XX-_ **

“That was some heavy shit,” a deep voice comes from behind me and turning I find Kozik, hands shoved in his pockets and wiping at the tears that fall down my face I let out a shaky laugh.

“Nah, that was a typical night for the Delaney girls,” I say gratefully taking the cigarette he offers me. “Thanks, uh, got light?”

“It just so happens,” he says with a gorgeous smile as he pulls the BIC I gave to him from the pocket of his cut, “I do.” He lights the cigarette for me and taking the first heady drag I press my back against my SUV. We smoke together in silence, content to share space without saying a word to one another, until Happy calling for him breaks it up. He rolls his eyes, before offering me another glowing smile.

“Guess that’s my cue, why don’t you hold onto this for me, in case I’m not around the next time you need a light,” he presses the lighter into my hand, his fingers lingering on mine a little longer than I would have expected, “see you around beautiful.”

Lifting my face, I watch him walk away and it’s only when he disappears with Happy that I look down at where the lighter sits in my palm. There’s a piece of paper folded under it and seeing the numbers scrawled across it I can’t help but smile.

**_-XX-_ **

Going through security at Stockton State Prison always makes me nervous. Always. I don’t know why that is as I never have anything to hide, but it just is. Perhaps it’s the invasiveness of the searches, or maybe, just maybe it’s the atmosphere of the place. I smile at the familiar faces of the guards. Some are new sure, but for the most part these are guards I’ve seen and known since I was just a girl.

And when at last I’m led to the visitation room I take a seat, and running nervous hands up and down my thighs, wait. The familiar buzz rings through the air, echoing off the walls and I jump as heavy metal doors are unlocked and inmates shuffle in. I watch as families come back together, and with a soft smile I lift a hand to my father.

Otto Delaney is a lot of things, intimidating being at the top of that list, but for me he’s always been the center. As much as I can’t stand my mother, I love my father that much more. He was the one who gave me my love of books, he was also the first to stoke the flames of my creativity.

His arms are strong and warm as they circle me, and gripping the back of his shirt I hold on, and feel like I'm finally home.

**_-XX-_ **

I’m halfway across the parking lot when I notice the bike parked next to my SUV. I don’t know what exactly it is about Kozik, but whatever it is I can’t seem to shake it. Of course it probably doesn’t help that we’re constantly running into each other at TM, and there is just, so much of him. He leans completely at ease against the handlebars of his bike, long legs crossed at the ankles as he smokes, and there is no way I can deny that he is one gorgeous specimen.

Trouble in jeans and leather no doubt, but gorgeous all the same.

“You know, for an outlaw biker, you look entirely too comfortable sitting in the parking lot of a prison,” I call to him as I draw closer. His smile is slow as it forms on his lips and because I know I’m staring, I put my sunglasses on with the hopes that he won’t notice. “What are you doing here Kozik?”

“With what happened to Donna, Clay wants all the club’s women to be looked after.”

“I’m not one of the club’s women.”

“You’re a Delaney, the club’s always going to be watching after you,” he says and letting out a breath I know it’s not worth arguing over. He’s right. Given my last name, and my Dad, the club is always going to be a factor in my life, whether I like it or not.

“How’d you end up stuck with me?” I can’t help asking.

“Oh I didn’t end up stuck with you sweetheart,” he says his smile growing wide, “I volunteered.”

 

**-Kozik-**

 

He was more than happy watching after her. In fact, he fought for the right, and he can’t help the ghost of a smile that crosses his lips at the memory of knocking Tig on his ass for the privilege. Of course, he didn’t tell her that. From what little he’s been able to squeeze from Happy, Gracie seems to be in good with all the Sons, even Tig, though not in the sense that most women who hang around the club are. She’s like a sister to Jax and Opie, a niece and daughter to the rest. His feelings are on an entirely different level and anything but familial.

He watches closely as she pulls into the pretty house on the corner, idling in the road as he watches her, and when she lifts a hand in a wave he nods, pulling away only when he sees her disappear into the house.

**_-XX-_ **

His phone buzzes across the table by the bed and letting out a groan, he reaches for it, knocking the collection of beer bottles off the surface and onto the floor. He blinks his eyes rapidly as he tries to make out the number on the screen and flipping it open he presses the phone to his ear.

“Hello,” his voice is thick with sleep that he tries to clear.

“Hey, it’s me,” the sweet rasp of Gracie’s voice fills his head and shoots straight to his loins. “Are you still on babysitting duty?”

“I am,” he says and when she lets out a smoky laugh he presses a hand to the growing bulge in his jeans. The woman has some sort of way about her, and that sort of way has him feeling like a damn teenager all over again.

“Meet me at Nana’s, twenty minutes. See you soon Koz.”


	4. Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gracie can't sleep so a certain Son decides a ride is just what she needs...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!WARNING!WARNING
> 
> This chapter contains mention of alcohol, drugs, and sexual innuendo. You have been warned!

_"I think the thing to do is enjoy the ride while you're on it"-Unknown._

**_-XX-_ **

****

I sit on the porch, arms braced on my knees. I don’t know why I picked up the phone, in hindsight I wish I could take it back. I guess, I just got lonely; finding myself unable to sleep, laying for hours in bed while staring up at the ceiling, rolling my Dad’s words over and over in my head.

He wasn’t happy with me, which I expected. Luann moved quick, being sure to tell him how difficult I’ve been since coming home, and I can’t blame him. After all there isn’t much he can do from where he is, and to quote him _‘enough is enough with the bitching and swiping at each other.’_ I’ve always hated upsetting him.

With a shake of my head I hear the heavy footsteps coming up the driveway.

“Hey,” Kozik’s voice is light as he approaches, hands sliding into his pockets.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have called…”

“It’s no problem,” he says settling beside me, “what’s going on?”

“It’s…nothing. I just couldn’t sleep,” I offer weakly and because his sudden closeness makes me want to cross physical boundaries I have firmly placed for myself I get to my feet to pace the little walkway in front of the porch. “You’ve been around about a week now, and in that time you’ve seen the way things are with Luann and I, like you said, heavy shit. Well, Dad wasn’t shy about chewing me out for my part in it, and he isn’t wrong, there’s just something about her…we just….” I move my shoulders involuntarily as I can’t find the words to describe just what Luann and I are. Dropping down beside him I put my head in my hands. “I am officially an idiot. Here I am blathering on about a little mother daughter conflict…God I need to get out of Charming,”

“Do you want to go for a ride?” he asks suddenly breaking up my thoughts and lifting my face I study him. He’s on his feet now a hand stretched out to me and taking a deep breath I take his hand.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

 

**-Kozik-**

 

It takes an immense amount of willpower for him to concentrate on the road and not allow his mind to linger too much on the feel of Gracie’s arms wrapped tightly around him, her hands bunching on the shirt under his cut every time he takes a curve or turn or the way her chest presses against his back. She’s an excellent rider. Doesn’t surprise him considering who she grew up around, but somehow he didn’t anticipate that having her on the back of his bike would feel this good.

He doesn’t really know where they’re going, he’s just enjoying the ride, and before too long he’s taking the bike up winding paths into the hills and when he’s figured they’ve gone far enough he pulls over at a scenic overlook. She lingers for a bit, her hands sliding slowly from around him and when she climbs from the bike her legs waver, just a little.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been on a decent ride,” Gracie says pulling the helmet from her head giving a quick shake to her long hair making the muscles in his stomach clench. If it were anyone else, he would have made a move by now, but Gracie isn’t anyone else. She smiles holding the helmet out and once her hands are freed she circles away going to stand at the rail, her hands curling around it as she stares out at the valley below.

“I never really thought I’d come back,” her voice is soft as he moves to stand beside her. “It isn’t that I don’t like Charming. It’s home. It will always be home, but once I was gone I thought that was it. I swore that it was. Luann and I have nothing, save for DNA, in common, and while I love the club and the family I have because of it, I really thought I was getting away for good.”

“Is it really all that bad here?” he can’t help but ask that question. He doesn’t just want to know, he needs to know, if the girl he can’t seem to shake from his mind is planning on leaving anytime soon, because if she is, well that just might pose quite the issue.

“It’s Charming. The name says it all,” she says but he catches the sarcasm dripping from her words. She boosts herself up to sit on the railing, legs swinging carelessly as she looks at him, and he sees it, the shift in her eyes as she takes a deep breath and starts talking again. “When I was fourteen I went to this kickback that a friend of a friend was having. It was just an excuse for us to get together and sneak cheap wine coolers and shitty weed, anyways, I’m about four strawberry Seagrams’ deep which was pairing nicely with that shitty weed I mentioned earlier, when that friend of a friend starts hitting one. I didn’t mind it. He was cute, and older, I mean he was fifteen and a half, had his drivers permit and everything, but really the draw was that he was so different from the other guys I was used to. So I played right into him.”

His jaw clenches from fear of where this little story might be going, but he keeps his mouth shut, waiting in the heavy silence for her to continue.

“We were getting pretty hot and heavy when he said something about Luann, something along the lines of how he just knew I’d do it like my Mom. I was blown away. I remember shoving him off of him and demanding to know just what the fuck he was talking about. You see as far as I knew my Mom worked TM with Gemma because she was there when I went to school every morning and there when I came home from school. I found out that my Mom sucked cock for a living amongst many other things, from the guy I almost lost my virginity too. Of course I asked Luann about it and she was honest, and I was okay; I was okay when she told me everything, told me why my Dad really went away, told me how long she had been in her line of work, I was more than okay when she promised she worked solely behind the cameras.”

“So what caused the, rift…” he pushes, he can’t help it. Something inside of him tells him he needs to understand this particular hurt.

“We didn’t live in the shiny bubble anymore. When she started missing things, for her work, for her girls, I became bitter. How could I not? It wasn’t because I didn’t understand that she had to work, after all raising a teenage daughter alone isn’t easy, and far from cheap, but I just kept feeling systematically replaced. She showed more concern over the girls at the studio then she ever did for me, but I swallowed it, and kept swallowing it, but the breaking point came on my sixteenth birthday. I didn’t want a big party, I was never about that, not for myself, so Gemma and Luann put together a family dinner. I have always loved family dinner. Everyone was there, the guys, old ladies…but Luann, Luann was nowhere in sight. Long shoot you see, it just couldn’t wait. That was the moment I decided I was going to run as fast and as far as I possibly could, that I was not going to become her.”

 

**_::Gracie::_ **

 

I don’t know why I chose now of all times to suddenly start spilling long buried secrets to Kozik. Maybe it was the ride, or the fresh air, or just simple need. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that no other man has ever made me want to spell out the shit between me and Luann.

“What about now?” Kozik asks as he braces his forearms against the railing looking over at me.

“Now,” I murmur, “I’m not so sure I want to keep running.”

 

**_-XX-_ **

 

I’m half asleep when Kozik pulls into Nana’s driveway, and even with the bike turned off, I hold on a little longer, finding his warmth not only inviting but comforting. His hand covers mine giving a gentle squeeze before helping me off the bike. My hands instinctively come up to grip his cut as I sway, and giving a soft chuckle he unclips the helmet, pulling it from my head. I’m surprised by the tenderness when he smooths his hands over my hair.

The pulse quickens in my throat as I lift my eyes to his face, my gaze drifting to settle on his lips.

“I should go,” he says the words but his tone is anything but sincere.

“I know,” my grip tightens just enough on his leather to pull him closer. His lips are soft, but his taste explodes on my tongue fraying my nerves until all I’m aware of is the feel of his fingers sinking into my hair, sliding to cup the back of my head, coaxing me to sink deeper, and just when I’m about to the sound of someone clearing their throat from behind me has me going completely still.

“Well, are you two going to stand out here kissing all morning, or you going to come in for breakfast?” Nana asks a hint of amusement in her voice as she stares at us and I can’t help the blush that creeps into my cheeks and turning to look back at Kozik I lift my shoulders and let them fall.

“Might as well come in Koz,” I say linking my hand and his, “besides, Nana makes the best French toast.”


	5. Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demons. We all have them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote, and rewrote this chapter more times than I care to count, and I hope that anyone reading this enjoys it.

_"We are all searching for someone whose demons play well with ours."-Unknown._

**_-XX-_ **

 

I press my fingers to my lips as I watch Kozik ride away, they feel bruised, but in the best possible way as the taste of coffee and syrup lingers on them from his kiss, and unable to stop the smile from forming I turn only to stop short when I see Nana standing behind me. A mischievous gleam twinkles in her eyes as she stares at me and I feel the embarrassment start sinking in.

“What?” I demand and in answer she lifts a shoulder at me.

“He’s a good boy Grace-Ann,” Nana says with a grin, “just never thought I’d see the day that you paired up with a Son.”

“I’m not paired up with a Son,” my halfhearted denial much to my dismay just makes her laugh more and because I don’t have the time to argue with her I go inside and leave her to her laughter.

****

**_-Kozik-_ **

 

He doesn’t know what he’s doing here, or why he’s staying. If he was a smart man he’d cut his losses as far as getting the transfer to Charming, and go back to Tacoma. He’s getting too old to deal with petty bullshit, and definitely getting to old to fight with Tig every time he turns around. He presses a balled up shirt against his eye and shakes his head.

Fucking Tig.

“That was some fight,” Jax says coming to stand beside him and with half a laugh Kozik spits a mouthful of blood onto the pavement. “What set Tig off anyways?”

“It’s old, bad blood between us, Jax, you know that,” Kozik answers, and it’s not exactly a lie, more of an omission, but because even that makes him feel guilty he shifts his eyes to the VP and decides that he might as well be the one to tell him before loud mouth Trager has a chance. “Tiggy’s a little upset that I was with Gracie all night…”

“No shit, you and Gracie?” Jax’s words roll out in a chuckle and seeing the seriousness on Kozik’s face the smile quickly fades. “Oh man, you’re not kidding huh?”

“Let me guess you want to hit me too,” Kozik says truly baffled by his friend’s reaction.

“No, it’s just…that’s a bag of crazy I’m not sure you’re ready for man,” Jax says as he pulls out a cigarette. “Look, I love Gracie, she might as well be my sister, but she has demons.”

“We all have fucking demons Jax.”

“True, but Gracie’s, they run deep. Just, be careful, not just with her, but with yourself.” Kozik watches as Jax walks away shaking his head and he can’t help but feel the ring of warning in his friend’s words down to the bone.

_**-XX-** _

He’d be lying if he said it didn’t bother him that there has been no word from Gracie since the last time he saw her which if he remembers right was ten days ago, and there has been nothing. Not a text. Not a call. Not even a whisper of her presence in TM. Last he heard she’s been practically living at Opie’s, helping with well everything.

And the lack of communication is driving him fucking crazy.

He watches as crow-eaters and sweet butts work preparing TM for Bobby’s coming home party, and though he’s heard whisperings of issues going on behind the scenes, he’s technically on the outside of it all. He wears the patch, that’s true enough, but he might as well be a stranger the way Tig is determined on keeping him on the outs. So he just sits back, watches, and grows more and more impatient.

“You should just call her,” Gemma’s voice startles him from his thoughts and turning he fives a smile to his face, but he knows better than to try and hide anything from Samcro’s Matriarch. “You know who I’m talking about. No need to deny it either Herman. Call the girl. She’s been buried up to her eyeballs in laundry and homework at Ope’s, she could use a night out. Ask her to come to Bobby’s party tonight.”

Waiting for no response Gemma walks away leaving Kozik to his thoughts.

 

**_::Gracie::_ **

 

_‘Bobby’s welcome home party is tonight, are you coming?’_ I read Kozik’s text over and over again trying to decide how to answer. The words aren’t particularly sweet and thinking about it honestly I don’t know that I want to answer. It’s been ten days, not that I’ve been keeping count, but it has been ten days since we went on the ride together, since breakfast with Nana, and this is the first thing he sends. I figured Nana scared him off; was kind of relieved by the idea of it being nothing because if it’s nothing then I can just swallow whatever feelings I have swirling around inside of me, and it’s one less thing to keep me tied to this place.

And yet I can’t stop the stupid smile that pulls at my lips.

_‘I was thinking about it.’_ I tap out the reply before turning my attention back to cooking dinner for Ellie and Kenny.

_‘Need a ride?’_ His response is quick.

I know I should say no. If I take my own car I don’t have a reason to stay long. I can just run in, say hi to Uncle Bobby, welcome him home, and get the hell out. I should say no. I should say no. I should say no.

_‘A ride would be nice. I’ll be ready at 9.’_

 

**_::XX::_ **

 

_9:45_

The glow of the living room clock makes me shake my head. This is what happens when I get too excited. It’s been kind of a running theme in my life. My hopes raise, and then bam, something happens and things change. So I really shouldn’t have expected anything different when it came to this. I press to my feet snatching my purse and digging through I find my keys.

“I’m leaving Nana, love you. Don’t wait up!” I shut the door behind me before she can respond.

**_::XX::_ **

 

Noise pours out of TM as I park my car near the long line of cars, and leaving my purse on the front seat I make my way inside. Smoke is thick as it clings in the air, the smell of booze and sex permeating above it. I smile at the few hellos’ I get as I turn my head in search of Kozik and when no sight of him is to be found, I find myself clasped in tight arms.

“Gracie!” Bobby’s words are slurred as he presses a kiss to my cheek. “I’m so happy to see you darlin’, tell me you’re going to sing for me!”

“I’m so happy to see you too Uncle Bobby, as for singing, probably not tonight. You’re far too drunk to even remember if I do,” I say laughing when he stumbles back to the gaggle of girls who beckon to him.

“Gracie! Hey baby,” Tig calls for me from across the bar and smiling I make my way to him.

“Tiggy, have you seen Kozik?” I ask pitching my voice over the crowd as I settle down beside him. He wraps an arm around me shaking his messy hair.

“Sorry baby, I think he’s a little preoccupied,” his words roll over me as he lifts his beer bottle to point to a darkened corner, and there Kozik stands, a slip of a girl caged in by his arms as he whispers something in her ear that makes her laugh.

“I-I’ll see you later Tig.” I press through the crowd ignoring the way Tig calls my name. I’m not about making a scene. I always hated when a crow-eater or sweet butt caused drama in the club so I absolutely refuse to do it. Instead I plaster a smile to my face, and get out as quick as I can.

 

My body shakes as I walk to my car. The need to break down bubbles inside of me but I push it down as hard as I can, trying to ignore it, but as I reach for the door handle someone takes a hold of my arm turning me around. Kozik stands in front of me a look of confusion on his face.

“Hey, where are you going?” Kozik seems genuinely confused by my quick exit.

“Home.”

“You didn’t even say hello,” he says and because I can’t believe that he is actually going to

“You seemed to have your hands full,” I say watching the realization drift into his eyes.

“Oh come on, that was nothing Gracie. A little flirting, that’s all,” he laughs but the humor quickly fades from his face when I pull my arm out of his hold.

“And you were so busy with that little flirting that you forgot to come and get me.”

“What are you talking about? Chibs said that you would be driving yourself since Mary was going to be late getting to Ope’s,” his words trail off and I’m confused by what he’s saying and when his jaw clenches fists bunching by his side, I manage to see through the haze of my anger, noticing the blooming bruises on his face. “That son of a bitch. You didn’t call Chibs did you?”

“What the hell happened to you?” I ask, and when he just shakes his head pulling the door open on my SUV for me all I do is stare at him.

“Let’s get out of here, and I’ll tell you all about it.”

 

**_::XX::_ **

 

Kozik’s words roll around in my head as I snap the hair tie nervously around my wrist. It seems that Tig has been trying to scare him off, sure it’s under the guise of having my best interest at heart, but a part of me wonders what all he’s told Kozik about me. I can’t bring myself to look at him. So instead I press my fingers to the steering wheel, tracing patterns on the leather.

“Why would Tig be so adamant about you staying away from me?” I wonder and shaking his head he reaches for me, his hand resting over mine.

“Tig isn’t exactly my number one fan…” he says and I laugh, a hollow sound even to my ears.

“Did he tell you anything about me?” I ask trying to keep my voice as steady as I can.

“No. It was all about me. I don’t deserve a girl like you. I need to go back to Tacoma. Same old same old with dear old Tiggy. Jax made a comment in passing, but…”

“What did Jax say?” I ask seriously wondering how this could possibly get any worse.

“That you have demons. Demons that run deep…”

“Who fucking doesn’t?” I demand and with his answering laughter I feel myself starting to relax. “Listen, Koz…”

“Stop. I’m not going to ask you to rip yourself open for me Gracie. If there comes a time when you need or want to talk to me about whatever demons it is that you wrestle with on the inside, it’s going to be because I earned the right, not because you feel backed in a corner by other people. I’m not going anywhere.”

His words are some of the sincerest that I’ve ever heard, certainly the sincerest I’ve ever heard from the mouth of a Son, and I don’t know why, but that scares the shit out of me.

**Author's Note:**

> Well there you have it, Chapter One is done. If you enjoyed it, let me know, even if you didn't let me know!
> 
> Oh, and come say hi to me at callmemrskozik.tumblr.com (I promise I don't bite...much)
> 
> -Emmy


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